Just a few thoughts on the newest Chick Flick in Theaters, Me Before You

Best Day Ever!! 05/13/2016

There is a movie out right now called Me Before You. It is based on a book that came out in 2012. I will be the first to admit that I cried during the 2 minute trailer that played during my required ad break on Youtube whilst enjoying funny cat videos. We're talking all out big crocodile tears that came so suddenly that the mucus in my nose also decided to retreat leaving me in a snotty(literally), weepy mess with no tissue I might add.

Finally. A movie that can give a glimpse into the life I share with my husband. Well, sure it would be a tiny speck of a glimpse because I wasn't Tony's hired caregiver and Tony is only paralyzed from the waist down (still the result of a terrible accident). But still. It was so refreshing to see Hollywood making something that portrayed parts of our love story. I was convinced by the trailer alone that I wanted to see the movie and yes, even wanted my husband to accompany me. I had it all mapped out in my head; a lovely dinner at our favorite restaurant in town and then off to watch this movie that would give us lovey-dovey butterflies in our stomachs and stars in our eyes.

Tony graduating with his B.S. in Nutrition

Then. Then, I was approached by a few people asking me if I was still going to go see this movie despite the whole 'assisted suicide' thing. Hmm, beg pardon?  You guys, it pays to do research. I frankly haven't read a fiction novel since high school (scold me later, thanks) so I was not aware of this rather small (large) detail. This small (large) detail completely changed my view of the movie.

Honestly, really? This post is not for the sake of political correctness, but simply for human decency. To insinuate that life is not worth living because you are confined to a wheelchair infuriates me. It is my husband's zeal for life and determination to live (and strikingly good looks; he's a hottie!) that initially attracted me to him (Oh, and the whole bit of humbly trying to be completely surrendered to Jesus helped too.) 

Then, to portray this martyrdom of sorts that the male lead is saving his lady from a life of caregiving goes against every grain that my wedding vows are woven with. I promised to love Tony in comfort and pain, in joy and sorrow, in abundance and without...through every season, in every moment of this life until death and only death do us part. Part of marriage is bearing one another's burdens. Frankly, I am extremely new at this. (We just got married on May 13th.) Tony extends so much grace and offers incredible vulnerability when I have had to ask questions and continue to ask questions that I don't know the answer to in regards to his disability. 

Honeymoon Dinner Cruise!

And yes, I knew what I was getting into; I was well aware that my boyfriend, fiancee', and now husband became paralyzed in 2007. We didn't meet until 2011, so yeah...you do the math. He was dealing with this burden well before he met me. Does it keep him from enjoying life? Sometimes. Chronic pain is a beast of many levels. But, does it make him want to stop living? No. Does he want to spare me from helping him carry this burden? No. Marriage is about carrying the load together; putting your spouse's needs before your own. I am humbled to be Tony's wife; his confidant, his lover; it is truly an honor. I am grateful that he is my husband; he carries my insecurities, my fears, and encourages me continually while loving me unconditionally. 

Hey, Hollywood. Make a movie about this. Simply call it, Us. I'd go see it. :) Though, I should probably write the book for you first.   

This season is answered prayer.

First, I have to make a recommendation for everyone to invest in the devotional, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It will enlighten you, challenge you, and let your heart be stilled by God. The daily paragraph is actually what God spoke to her through a year and so upon reading it; you can rest in His peace and presence. This is what inspired me to change up how I have been journaling. Instead of pouring out my petitions before God on paper, I have been letting the Holy Spirit guide me to write what God wants me to hear and what He is telling me. Like anything new, it was slightly awkward at first, but then the words kept coming. I have been doing it since January of this year.

Something was revealed this past Wednesday, the 27th. I had a hard time swallowing these words, but I am slowly coming to terms with them. Above all else, I want to be obedient and trust Him fully without any expectations or feeling entitled. God is not one to be bargained with, He is sovereign. He has humored me on several occasions and I am so grateful for his gracious and patient heart. Mind you, I am still unemployed. I had a job interview with the financial aid office at Western Carolina University on the 11th. Interview went great! I had high hopes. Someone else was chosen. God is still sovereign! These next words are some of what the Creator of the universe spoke to me two days ago.

"Let me renew your heart. I am changing you daughter. I am making you steadfast. Solid in your suffering. Strong in your waiting. Firm. Not easily swayed. Completely and utterly dependent on me. Let yourself be stretched. I am growing you for your good. This season is answered prayer. I am teaching you faithfulness. Respect. Trust. Submission. Patience. Love despite heartache. Love despite frustration. Above all else, loving someone fully through strength that I can only give. This season is answered prayer. You are learning what it means to be a woman of God, a wife. This season is really not about you. It is about who I say I AM and what I expect of you; what I desire of and for you my beautiful daughter. The world sees unemployed; the enemy even tries to say worthless and lazy. I see clay willing to be cracked, revived with the living water and molded. I see someone, my daughter whose name I spoke before creation, seeking wisdom, knowledge and truth in me and me alone. This pleases me. I am pleased with you. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Take my hand."

Wait. Really? Seriously? I prayed for this?! I asked that you would show me what it means to be a wife. Yeah, I did ask you to stretch me, but God I am really starting to feel like that Stretch Armstrong guydoll from the 90's. Do you trust me? Yes. You are sovereign. You are faithful. You are my provider. Do you trust me? You are my beloved daddy whose arms are wrapped tightly around me. Do you trust me? Though you ruin me, still I will worship you. Okay, then. Get ready, my dear girl. Stay close to me. This season is answered prayer.              

Trusting His Character, Trusting Him

Faithful. Good. Sovereign. Holy. All-knowing. Love. These are some words that speak of God's character. The Bible declares and affirms his character. 

"God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."-1 Corinthians 1:9
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."-Psalm 34:8
"How great you are, Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears."-2 Samuel 7:22
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."-Proverbs 9:10
"Can anyone teach knowledge to God, since he judges even the highest?-Job 21:22
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."-1 John 4:16

It is easy to read these words, tuck them away for a rainy day and go about your day-to-day living. Then that rainy day comes. In fact, it's a rainy season. Full out downpour or it at least just feels that way. Why is it so hard to trust then? I have been in Cullowhee, NC since March; I moved from Lynchburg, VA to be closer to my boyfriend. I have been unemployed since December. I have been applying for jobs in the area since December. Ideally, I wanted to have a job before moving. I mean that makes sense right? Pretty practical thinking I would say. Well, God had another plan. I can just hear Him chuckling while I type this. Currently, I am staying rent free in a basement apartment of a gracious couple until I secure a job and am able to move into my own place. Yet, I am still scared. I look at my bank account and freak out. Mind you, I have never been without; I even had the money to buy disposable razors the other day. (I can't afford my razor head replacements right now.) He is still chuckling by the way. 

This rainy season has been one of waiting. Waiting. Praying. Praying. Receiving very clear direction of where I am to be employed yet still waiting. I thought this season was over with making the move. The move came together very quickly like in a matter of 2 days. 103 days of waiting for 2 days of intense action. So, naturally I thought the job would come within a few days of moving. Hey God! I was obedient, so can we put some cash flow back in my bank account? Please? 26 days later and I am still waiting. And, that's okay. Really? Yes. I mean, it really stinks most days. How do you deal with that sinking feeling in your gut that you've been forgotten? You deal with it by holding onto who God is. His truth is absolute; He is trustworthy! By the way, it was totally easier to type that out than actually believe it. Wait, what you struggle with belief? Um, yes. Pretty sure it's a more common occurrence than people are willing to admit. Worry is unbelief. 

But, you see God (who is still chuckling) reminded me of something today. I didn't move to Cullowhee to become financially secure. I moved to be closer to my boyfriend Tony. Why would you do that? Well, I love him. Truly. 8 months of long distance was frankly long enough for us. It taught us invaluable lessons of communication and appreciation of one another and I wouldn't trade that for anything. However, in pursuing our future and strengthening our relationship for that 'M' word, we knew that we needed to see each other everyday. You see it was God who wonderfully orchestrated our relationship. He put us together. So, why wouldn't He make a way for us? It may not look like anything I imagined, but financial security is not my number one priority right now. Worshiping with my new church family is. Settling into community is. Reaching out to others and seeking relationships is. Getting involved in ministries and outlets as a couple is. God will take care of the rest. After all, He is faithful. He is good. He is sovereign. He is holy. He is all-knowing. He is love. AND, He is still chuckling...  

"Not for a moment did you forsake me..."

The Year 2014

I am sitting here in disbelief that it really is the second day in 2015. Seriously? Where did 2014 go? New Year's Eve last year in 2013 entailed me hanging out with close friends knowing that I was moving to Virginia in obedience to God. I had expectations for 2014; I had envisioned in my head what it was going to look like before it had even started. Most of these expectations were not met. Yup, not met at all. Little did I realize when I agreed to be obedient, it went with every aspect of my life. I possessed a sense of entitlement of that since I was in fact being obedient with moving away from all of the people I love that God would allow me to call the shots in how I thought 2014 in Virginia would look.

I am a planner. Plan, plan, plan. It's what I do. It's my security blanket. I get my ducks all in a row to eliminate any chances of happenstance. This planning is a form of unbelief. It is telling the Creator of the Universe that I have an inability to trust Him fully. What are you talking about, Liz? You moved to Virginia because He told you to. Yeah...I did. It doesn't mean I went happily and with a smile on my face. Obedience is not always going to be joyful, especially when my aligned ducks were starting to sink or float away. Especially when I realized obedience meant stretching me and exposing my wrong thoughts about God. He is the Almighty! Who am I to expect Him to do what I want simply because I listened to His command? He is my Father, and I his child. His love for me is unconditional, and I was never meant to be self-sufficient. His abundance and my emptiness go hand in hand. It is only His Spirit that can fill me truly.     


A wise friend told me that "It's not always about the place He calls you to, but the people He wants you to meet." 2014 was definitely a year of new and old relationships. In order to grow in these relationships; isolation was necessary. God had to isolate me to change and prepare me. He did put people in my life from VA that have loved me, encouraged me, and challenged me. They have prayed with me, and for me when I didn't feel like it. Beyond the people I met in Virginia was the relationship with my beau that started in July. It is a wonderful story of how prayer changes everything. Sure, we are human and are always in need of a learning curve, I am just so fortunate that we get to do it together.

I am so grateful for 2014. I have experienced so much. The overwhelming presence of God with clear and direct answers. The day-to-day living of trying to take tiny trust steps with Jesus even when I am not entirely sure if I heard Him correctly. Learning to love someone with flaws. Allowing someone to love me despite my flaws. Being broken of my strong-headed thinking. Praying. Praying. Praying. Praying and receiving silence. Learning that God's will may be the hardest place to be, but it is always the safest and best place to be.

So, here I am. 2 days into 2015. Not sure of what this year holds. But, here I am. Praying. Waiting. Believing. Trusting.