First, I have to make a recommendation for everyone to invest in the devotional, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It will enlighten you, challenge you, and let your heart be stilled by God. The daily paragraph is actually what God spoke to her through a year and so upon reading it; you can rest in His peace and presence. This is what inspired me to change up how I have been journaling. Instead of pouring out my petitions before God on paper, I have been letting the Holy Spirit guide me to write what God wants me to hear and what He is telling me. Like anything new, it was slightly awkward at first, but then the words kept coming. I have been doing it since January of this year.
Something was revealed this past Wednesday, the 27th. I had a hard time swallowing these words, but I am slowly coming to terms with them. Above all else, I want to be obedient and trust Him fully without any expectations or feeling entitled. God is not one to be bargained with, He is sovereign. He has humored me on several occasions and I am so grateful for his gracious and patient heart. Mind you, I am still unemployed. I had a job interview with the financial aid office at Western Carolina University on the 11th. Interview went great! I had high hopes. Someone else was chosen. God is still sovereign! These next words are some of what the Creator of the universe spoke to me two days ago.
"Let me renew your heart. I am changing you daughter. I am making you steadfast. Solid in your suffering. Strong in your waiting. Firm. Not easily swayed. Completely and utterly dependent on me. Let yourself be stretched. I am growing you for your good. This season is answered prayer. I am teaching you faithfulness. Respect. Trust. Submission. Patience. Love despite heartache. Love despite frustration. Above all else, loving someone fully through strength that I can only give. This season is answered prayer. You are learning what it means to be a woman of God, a wife. This season is really not about you. It is about who I say I AM and what I expect of you; what I desire of and for you my beautiful daughter. The world sees unemployed; the enemy even tries to say worthless and lazy. I see clay willing to be cracked, revived with the living water and molded. I see someone, my daughter whose name I spoke before creation, seeking wisdom, knowledge and truth in me and me alone. This pleases me. I am pleased with you. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Take my hand."
Wait. Really? Seriously? I prayed for this?! I asked that you would show me what it means to be a wife. Yeah, I did ask you to stretch me, but God I am really starting to feel like that Stretch Armstrong guydoll from the 90's. Do you trust me? Yes. You are sovereign. You are faithful. You are my provider. Do you trust me? You are my beloved daddy whose arms are wrapped tightly around me. Do you trust me? Though you ruin me, still I will worship you. Okay, then. Get ready, my dear girl. Stay close to me. This season is answered prayer.
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